Content warning: This post discusses sex addiction. Please take care of yourself as you read and don’t hesitate to get support.
I clearly remember the first time that I saw the words sex addict in print. I was trying to save my marriage after my first affair. (An incredibly destructive and deeply painful 5-month relationship with a married colleague.)
My wife and I were seeing a couples counselor.
We were reading the books.
Not “Just Friends” by Shirley Glass (the mother of public radio personality, Ira Glass) was first on my list. All the boundary issues that the book discussed resonated so much for me. Windows and walls. Then I saw it.
Sex addict.
Those two little words completely terrified me. Maybe love addict I said to myself. I was so caught up in the semantics of sex vs love — ignoring that it was all unmanageable for me. The need for external validation. The pattern of avoidant and dishonest behaviors. I continued in secrecy and denial for years, letting the addiction grow in the shadows.
Another affair. Then another. An untold number of awful, unfaithful behaviors. A destructive and growing storm of my own selfishness and cowardice. And I didn’t know how to stop.
Sometime later, while walking back from engaging in such shameful behavior, I ducked through a back alley in an attempt to sneak back to my office.
There I noticed a somewhat random sign in a window:
For a brief moment, it gave me a small sense of hope. That I could somehow survive this destructive storm of my own doing.
But it wasn’t until I read “Chapter One: Our Addiction” in the SAA Green Book that I really understood and accepted it to be true. It was like looking into a mirror—the words reflecting my own truth right back to me. I could no longer deny it. I was a textbook sex addict.
The importance of quality literature in recovery cannot be understated. We stop learning in our addiction. Books force us outside of ourselves, even if just for a moment to confront our true reality.
We’ve put together a list of recommended books to foster our education and healing. By no means a complete list (and in no particular order), we hope these titles will help anyone find their path in integrity.
Recommended Reading
Not “Just Friends”: Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity – Shirley Glass
While focused on infidelity, Not “Just Friends” illuminates emotional patterns that often hide in sex and love addiction—secrecy, isolation, blurred boundaries. Glass provides steps for rebuilding trust and clarity in relationships, making it relevant to recovery work.
Link: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/205641.Not_Just_Friends_
SAA Green Book – Sex Addicts Anonymous
The foundational text of the Sex Addicts Anonymous fellowship, the Green Book lays out the principles, tools, and spiritual framework of recovery from sex addiction. It includes personal stories from members, the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions as applied to SAA, and deep guidance on defining sobriety, building a support network, and finding long-term healing through spiritual growth and community. A must-read for newcomers and long-timers alike.
Link: https://saa-store.org/book
Out of the Shadows – Patrick Carnes, PhD
A cornerstone in sexual addiction recovery, Out of the Shadows breaks down the cycle of preoccupation, ritualization, compulsion, and despair with compassionate wisdom and spiritual insight. Drawing on clinical research and real-life stories, Carnes provides recovery tools rooted in compassion and 12‑Step principles—offering a pathway back from secrecy and shame.
Link: https://www.drpatrickcarnes.com/out-of-the-shadows
The Gifts of Imperfection – Brené Brown
Brown explores how embracing vulnerability and imperfection fosters authenticity, belonging, and resilience. Her practical guidance supports recovery by encouraging wholehearted living and self-worth disconnected from performance or others’ approval.
Link: https://brenebrown.com/book/the-gifts-of-imperfection
The Body Keeps the Score – Bessel van der Kolk, MD
A landmark exploration of how trauma is stored in the body and nervous system. Dr. van der Kolk shares science-based therapies (like EMDR, yoga, neurofeedback) that help reconnect, heal, and restore somatic safety.
Link: https://www.besselvanderkolk.com/resources/the-body-keeps-the-score
Facing Love Addiction – Pia Mellody
Mellody offers a clear-eyed exploration of love addiction and its roots in trauma, emotional neglect, and boundary distortion. With a grounded perspective, she maps out a 12‑step recovery path filled with journal prompts, self-ownership exercises, and practical tools for healing from obsessive relationship patterns.
Link: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/323590.Facing_Love_Addiction
Sex Addiction 101 – Robert Weiss
A concise yet comprehensive introduction to sex addiction—covering brain chemistry, addiction cycles, treatment options, and how digital environments contribute to compulsive behavior. Weiss brings clarity and compassion, guided by real stories and practical recovery tools for addicts, partners, and clinicians.
Link: https://www.robertweissmsw.com/my-books/
Attached – Amir Levine & Rachel Heller
A clear, research-backed guide to adult attachment styles—anxious, avoidant, and secure. Levine and Heller offer practical insight into how these early patterns shape intimacy, with strategies to build stronger, more secure connections.
Link: https://www.attachedthebook.com/wordpress/
Hold Me Tight – Dr. Sue Johnson
Based on Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), this book guides couples through seven transformative conversations to deepen emotional bonding and repair attachment wounds. It draws on decades of clinical work and offers clear exercises that foster trust and intimacy.
Link: https://holdmetightonline.com
The Journey from Abandonment to Healing – Susan Anderson
This deeply compassionate book addresses the profound pain of abandonment and rejection. Anderson maps grief’s stages and offers tools to reclaim self-worth, rebuild internal safety, and move from brokenness to healing.
Link: https://www.abandonment.net
Love Me, Don’t Leave Me – Michelle Skeen
Skeen explores abandonment fears and the patterns that keep people stuck in unhealthy love dynamics. With insight and warmth, she helps readers identify triggers, build self-regulation, and create stable, authentic bonds.
Link: https://lovemedontleaveme.com
Set Boundaries, Find Peace – Nedra Glover Tawwab
Tawwab offers practical, approachable guidance for identifying, setting, and maintaining healthy boundaries. Her empathetic, actionable style makes this a supportive tool for anyone grieving old habits of people-pleasing or caretaking.
Link: https://www.nedratawwab.com/set-boundaries-find-peace
The New Codependency – Melody Beattie
Beattie reframes codependency with compassion, helping readers rediscover self-worth and autonomy. This updated classic includes personal stories, reflection prompts, and strategies aligned with recovery from addictive relationships.
Link: https://www.melodybeattie.com/thenewcodependency
Facing Codependence – Pia Mellody
A compassionate, trauma-informed examination of how childhood wounds become adult codependent behaviors. Mellody offers recovery tools—journaling, boundary work, self-care—to reclaim self-trust and authentic connection.
Link: https://themeadowsbookstore.com/products/facing-codependence
Healing the Shame That Binds You – John Bradshaw
Bradshaw reveals how toxic shame—the belief of being unworthy—drives addictive and codependent behaviors. With compassionate insight, he outlines recovery paths including inner child work, self-compassion, and emotional reparenting.
Link: https://www.johnbradshaw.com/books/healing-the-shame-that-binds-you
No Bad Parts – Richard Schwartz
From the creator of Internal Family Systems (IFS), this book teaches readers to understand and integrate different parts of themselves—inner critic, wounded child, exile. It’s a powerful model for healing trauma and rebuilding self-trust.
Link: https://ifs-institute.com/nobadparts
Radical Acceptance – Tara Brach
This mindfulness-based guide teaches people to stop fighting against themselves and painful emotions. Through meditation practices and compassionate presence, Brach offers a path away from shame and self-rejection—core challenges in addiction recovery.
Link: https://www.tarabrach.com/books/radical-acceptance
When Things Fall Apart – Pema Chödrön
Chödrön offers timeless Buddhist wisdom for staying present with fear, loss, and grief. Her gentle teachings help readers cultivate courage, kindness, and patience—building inner resilience necessary for recovery.
Link: https://pemachodronfoundation.org/product/when-things-fall-apart-book
Daily Meditations
Voices of Recovery (SAA)
Voices of Recovery is the response to requests from SAA members for a meditation book written and produced by the fellowship. This book is not the work of a single person. Numerous individuals have donated their time and talents to writing, reading, selecting, and editing meditations. Each meditation is a reflection of the individual member’s own experience, strength, and hope in their own recovery process.
Link: https://saa-store.org/book
Answers in the Heart: Daily Meditations for Men and Women Recovering from Sex Addiction
This daily meditation book provides concise, affirming reflections for each day of the year—supporting emotional healing, spiritual growth, and deeper self-understanding. Rooted in the experiences of sex addicts in recovery, Answers in the Heart offers grounding, clarity, and encouragement in the often-challenging day-to-day work of sobriety. Many SAA members use it as a trusted companion for morning meditation or step work.
Link: https://www.hazelden.org/store/item/1788
Recovery is a journey from secrecy into connection, from confusion into clarity. These books helped us find the language, perspective, and strength to begin showing up differently—for ourselves and those we love. We hope they’ll meet you where you are and guide you forward, one page and one day at a time.