When I first began facing my sex addiction, accountability felt like a threat. I thought it meant judgment, lectures, or someone else controlling my choices. And I certainly didn’t want to give up my sense of control.
What I didn’t understand back then was that accountability isn’t about control or punishment. It’s about freedom.
Addiction taught me to live in secrets. I got used to hiding, to saying “I’m fine” when I wasn’t. That secrecy became part of the sickness. So when I started practicing accountability—sharing my highs and lows, naming resentments, even admitting when I was close to acting out—it felt like I was tearing down the walls I had built around myself. Walls that had kept me isolated for years.
One of the tools that helps me is a simple weekly check-in. On paper, it looks straightforward: write down my highs and lows, my feelings, any lies or secrets, moments I came close to slipping, what I did for recovery, what I did for self-care, and then end with an affirmation. But when I actually sit with it, I realize it’s about more than filling in blanks. It’s about telling the truth—to myself and to others I share it with. (Often a group of other sex addicts that I meet for lunch each Thursday.)
Some weeks my check-in looks good: I can name progress, celebrate recovery activities, feel proud of how I navigated temptation. Other weeks it’s messy: I have to admit to dishonesty and moments where I barely caught myself before falling. Either way, the act of writing it down and sharing it pulls me out of secrecy.
What I’ve learned is that accountability isn’t about being policed. It’s about being known. Every time I let someone else see the truth about my week, I chip away at shame. Every time I practice honesty in those small details, I build a little more integrity.
I still don’t always like accountability. It can be uncomfortable to write down my resentments or admit how close I came to old patterns. But I’ve come to see it as a lifeline. Without it, my addiction thrives. With it, I have a fighting chance at living openly, freely, and at peace.
To help build accountability in your life, check out this printable PDF you can use for a daily or weekly check-in: